youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
