summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
