i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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