This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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