The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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