At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
