What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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