Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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