Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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