Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
