the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
