We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
