She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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