Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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