I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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