Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
