I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
