yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Farmville is her only friend.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
