So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We need to get me chipped asap
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize