We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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