I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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