tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
