Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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