day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
