worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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