is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
