i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
