I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She told me I should be a condom model.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
