I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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