I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
