I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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