dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
