I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
