It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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