And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
