i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
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Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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