If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
