I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
