wrigley field is MILF paradise
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
