Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
