i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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