it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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