Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
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I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
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I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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