His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
