My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
