just survived the first fart of the relationship.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
