phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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