it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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