God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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