dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
