Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
