I can tuck mytits in my pants
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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