somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
