i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
