There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
