I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
