It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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